I once read a story, that there was a certain student who was the son of a nomadic horse trainer, his life and his family were a nomadic life following his father’s job, not good. As a result, the boy also had to change schools a lot, so it was inevitable that his academic results would be affected. Once, his teacher gave the class a topic “Write about your dream”, and the boy wrote about his dream of having a horse farm over 2000 acres, and he described his dream. That’s detailed in 7 pages. But his teacher gave him the lowest score, when the boy asked why, the teacher said that his dream was wild and groundless, that the boy would never realize his dream. your. But the boy, who has a wonderful father, encouraged his son to believe in his dream, to fulfill his dream, little by little. And I forever remember the teacher’s words when I met the boy again and saw what he had done, “During her years of teaching, she stole the dreams of many children. Fortunately, I have enough reason to keep my dream!”
This message-filled story is actually not rare in reality, not only between teachers and students, but also between parents and children, between lovers and lovers, between husband and wife, between people and people. In general, we also often unintentionally or intentionally dismiss other people’s dreams and make assumptions about one’s future based solely on what we see at the moment. Most of the time, we forget that we have to respect other people’s privacy, we even try to intervene roughly, and when the other person reacts, we defend them with something that almost no one can avoid or deny – love. But according to the Adler psychology conveyed by Ichiro and Fumitake in “Dare to be Happy,” it is simply our “me,” which is a lack of respect for the lives of others, even if it is taken. No matter how many excuses we have, we also forget one thing when we try to force others into a pattern, which is that we are behaving according to our own will, not or not necessarily the will of our own. that person. More deeply, we act like this to fill our inferiority complex by using the self-esteem complex, we need to feel respected, we need to feel encouraged and praised by others, but according to Ichiro and Fumitake, that feeling is also a sense of seasonality that doesn’t come from ourselves, it’s the feeling of someone who still hasn’t really taken themselves seriously. Because if we only act for the praise and recognition of others, it will never be enough, hence, there is competition and competition for that approval, but recognition Others are like a sand castle if we lack a core foundation of self-respect. Using education as the material throughout the dialogue between the philosopher and the young man, the two authors Ichiro and Fumitake have deepened to the bottom the core concepts of Adler’s thought, thereby gradually refering to it. out relationships in society, in our daily lives.
So what do these have to do with happiness? Ichiro and Fumitake say that people only mature when they love, but the love that the two authors refer to is not the love that comes from selfishness but the love that unites two people, the love that is in that man can destroy his “I” because of the “we”. Only when we fully understand the concept of “we” and understand that the two people’s duties are the essence of love, then can we truly have happiness. According to the author, letting go of our “I” for “we” is an expression of giving without asking for anything in return, the highest expression of love, and when we learn to love someone by all that altruism, that is, we have learned to accept ourselves as worthy of love, worthy of happiness without demanding in return as a conditional exchange, the author requires them we are in a higher love, more trusting – unconditional love, love only for the happiness of being loved, not love for credit, that there is a condition to love, only then, we are truly happy.